Today’s “Smuckasm”

If you haven’t seen my smucks up top, these are awards that I give to people that I just can’t understand for one reason or another… or I just don’t like something they may have done.

I had quite a few people tell me that I’m using the wrong word and that  smuck should be schmuck, however,  that simply was never the case.  I tried to explain that in my initial post here about the “Smuck Awards”… But I guess no one reads my blog, so I had to keep telling Smicks over and over that a Smuck is my version of a Schmuck!

So now I before I even start my new thing on my blog… I guess I need to explain to all the Smicks out there, that I know what the word SARCASM means.

So I’m now telling you Smicks ahead of time… that a SMUCKASM is my version of sarcasm!

With that, I’ll start my daily “Today’s Smuckasm”.

You can think of it like a daily quote… with a twist.

Go on now… nothing more to read here.

Six Months… and Still Blogging

Today marks the sixth month since I started this blog.

I’ve gotten a lot more response to this then I ever thought I would.

Quick Stats:

1,776 Posts
870 Comments 3,267 spam comments (deleted)
120,000 + Page Visits
3 Damon Dollars and 8 Smuck Awards.

And not one missed day of posting!

Thanks to everyone for dropping by… and here’s to the next 6 months:

Legislature Looking at Banning “Consumption of Companion Animals”

I can only guess that this law is being brought forth because of the golf course incident where the guys stole the dog so that they could eat it.

Saturnino Palting, 48, pictured on the right, and Nelson Domingo, 53, left, both of Kalihi

Saturnino Palting, 48, pictured on the right, and Nelson Domingo, 53, left, both of Kalihi. *Smuck Award Winners

Senators Gabbard, Chun Oakland and Espero have introduced Senate Bill 232.

The legislature finds that the consumption of companion animals is inhumane and an offense against the public order.  The purpose of this Act is to prevent companion animals from being consumed as human food.

SECTION 2.  Section 711-1109, Hawaii Revised Statutes, is amended to read as follows:

§711-1109  Cruelty to animals in the second degree. (1)  A person commits the offense of cruelty to animals in the second degree if the person intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly:

(a)   Overdrives, overloads, tortures, torments, beats, causes substantial bodily injury, or starves any animal, or causes the overdriving, overloading, torture, torment, beating, or starving of any animal, or deprives a pet animal of necessary sustenance or causes such deprivation;

(b)   Mutilates, poisons, or kills without need any animal other than insects, vermin, or other pests;

(c)   Keeps, uses, or in any way is connected with or interested in the management of, or receives money for the admission of any person to, any place kept or used for the purpose of fighting or baiting any bull, bear, cock, or other animal, and every person who encourages, aids, or assists therein, or who permits or suffers any place to be so kept or used;

(d)   Carries or causes to be carried, in or upon any vehicle or other conveyance, any animal in a cruel or inhumane manner; [or]

(e)   Possesses, sells, purchases, gives away, receives, imports, or exports any live companion animal or carcass of a companion animal for the purpose of using any portion of the live companion animal or its carcass for human food; or

More here

Sunday Silly


Clarification on the Smuck Hall of Fame

People… I know what a “sCHmuck” is!


This “Smick” goes out to everyone that tries to remind me that “Smuck” should be “Schmuck”.


As a reminder, I wrote an earlier blog on the meaning of the award that you can read here.

Smucks Still Being Added to Hall of Fame

I’ve added a few more Smucks to the Hall of Fame at the top of this site.

It’s going to be a work in progress from here on out it looks like.   There is just so many damn Smucks in this world!

“Spitfire Grill” The Movie that “Essay House” Scams are Based Upon

I’ve been writing about the Essay Houses that a mainland scammer named Mark Samwick has been running of late.

Here is the movie that has inspired this whole genre of essay houses (I’m trying to find a copy that has more then just the “Score” from the movie):


“An aging woman wants to put her grill up as a contest with the winner taking the grill.To enter you must spend $100 and you are in the pot.The person with the best reason to want the grill will win it.The woman obtains over $200,000.A tragedy occurs before the winner is picked.”

Smuck Hall of Fame

In case you haven’t noticed, at the top of the page I’ve begun my Smuck Hall of Fame.

As I have time, I’ll be updating this with some of the smucks from my blogs past as well as future smucks.  So if you have been a smuck to me, or you plan on being one to me or someone else in this world in the future… you might want to check to see if you got an award.

Tuck’s Smuck Award #2: Mark Samwick Essay House Promoter

This is my second installment of Tuck’s Smuck Awards:





Mark Samwick has been spamming sites trying to get his essay houses promoted across the United States for the last 12 years.


Recently the schemer has entered the Hawaii market and is offering a Hawaii House for one of his “Essay Contests”.  I’m not going to link the site any longer, but you can read some of my previous posts on this here, here, here and here.  Interesting comments have been made on most of those posts.


Samwick has been operating bogus sites for over a decade now.  I’m not even sure if Samwick is his true name.  Above is a collection of various ID’s sent to me of Samwick by an anonymous source.

KGMB even fell for this crap a few days ago: (video clip starts a bit late)


KGMB9 We have to do our own investigation before we take action.

KGMB9 I’ll send you something after we investigate a bit more. The morning executive producer just called me and is looking into it.

KGMB9 I have to pull th

When his essay houses don’t fall through, he has other schemes lined up to get home owners to fall for some BS.


“**Check out this scam where he uses the alias “Sam Wick” (for when the essay BS doesn’t work, he has the “foolproof” backup plan of nutty-religious-idol-worship-voodoo crap) :

Samwick runs a bunch of bogus sites and it really pisses me off that people that I know and care about have fallen for his BS!

So if you come across some of these bogus sites in the near future… remember it’s a buyer beware market out there.

If you think something is too good to be true, well then….?

This Smuck is for you Mark Samwick!


Oh yeah… and remember you said it yourself:

“… Why do you think you are on my “ass”? You are merely an individual with a blog and an opinion in Hawaii, and you know what they say about opinions…”

Tuck’s Smucks Awards Begins

Well I guess it’s time to start something new on my blog.

Because of my last name,  I was an easy target to be teased by kids when I was younger.

You can just imagine all the letters that you can substitute the “T” in Tucker for make rhyming names.  “Tucker the Sucker”…”Tucker the Clucker”… “Tucker the F*****” …. “Mother Tucker”… I’ve heard them all.

The one that used to drive me nuts as a kid, was when they would call me “Smucker” because we all used to work in the strawberry fields picking strawberries for a berry farm and the berries would get shipped off to “Smucker’s” Preservatives to make jelly/jam out of them.

I still to this day won’t eat Smuckers preservatives, because I know what I used to do myself as a kid just to get that extra weight in my “flat” that they would weigh.  You would be amazed at how much dirt I could put in a flat under a layer of strawberries!

So based on on my name… I’m starting the weekly “Tuck’s Smuck Award”.

So to be fair to anyone I may call a “Smuck” in the future… I’ll award my first ever “Tuck’s Smuck Award” to someone who is rather close to me.

Tuck’s Smuck Award Winner #1:



For almost 9 years, Damon worked a great job with the State where he got to play with the latest toys and gadgets that came into the State.  He literally got paid to watch TV and Videos, although they weren’t very exciting and mostly educational.

In May of 2008, he decided to quit his job and return back to the Big Island where he could be closer to his family.

Damon’s goal was to have a job by the start of the New Year… and yet here it is almost 2 weeks after the New Year has begun and Damon is still seeking full-time employment.

This SMUCK goes to you Damon!  You are the first official Damon Tucker’s Weblog SMUCK.